People often think of domestic violence only in terms of the black eyes and bruises that can be seen. In reality, domestic violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that abusers use to control their intimate partners. It is not impulsive, but purposeful, behavior.
What is domestic violence?
Victims of domestic violence sometimes perceive the recurring violence to be unpredictable and impulsive. Domestic violence, however, is neither random nor haphazard. It is a complex pattern of increasingly frequent and harmful physical, sexual, psychological and other abusive behaviors used to control the victim. The batterer chooses a range of abusive tactics that are reinforced by violence or the constant threat of violence. This is devised and carried out precisely to control the victim.
Why don’t they just leave?
As adaptive and resilient as they are, victims of domestic violence face daunting barriers to escaping the violence. In addition to the threat of harm or death to themselves or their children, victims must contend with financial and emotional hardship. They also often weigh cultural and religious values that emphasize keeping families intact and must cope with justice and social service systems that don’t always provide adequate safety and support.
Who does it affect?
Domestic violence can happen to anyone – of any age, race, ethnicity, income, sexual orientation and gender. In Missouri in 2010, more than 51,000 adults, youth and children received domestic violence services, and more than 27,000 were turned away because of a lack of resources and because shelters and programs were full.* Nationally in 2010, in just one day domestic violence programs served more than 70,500 victims and turned away more than 9,500.** These numbers do not include the victims who have not sought services.
How does it happen?
People who have never experienced abuse often find it difficult to imagine why victims don’t leave and how the abuse can continue for years. Relationships almost never start out abusive. Love and intimacy precede the abuse, which also can make it difficult to break away. Abusive relationships are not violent all the time. There are periods when victims remember why they fell in love with their partners. Abusers effectively weave together intimacy and abuse to control their partners.
What causes domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a socially supported behavior, learned through observation, experience and reinforcement. It is learned from our culture, institutions, families, schools and peer groups. Therefore, recognizing and stopping domestic violence is an ongoing challenge.
How can I help?
People commit domestic violence, and people can stop it. Getting involved with a domestic violence shelter or program can help save lives, stop the violence and create new opportunities for families living in fear and danger.
Missouri has more than 100 domestic violence shelters and support programs. Most of them have toll-free numbers for victims to have someone to talk to and someone to help by creating safety plans, offering support, and providing court advocacy and other resource information.
To find out more about domestic violence and ways you can help, contact:
Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
(573) 634-4161
*According to the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence 2010 Domestic Violence Services Statistics, based on data submitted by 86 programs throughout the state.
** According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence 24-hour census of Domestic Violence Shelters and Programs.
